Monthly Archives: April 2011

Exploring Astrology

While I was in Chicago, I started getting interested in astrology: for the first time, I had friends who really believed in astrological signs. I couldn’t help but get caught up in the feeling that the signs really mean something about people. The only problem was that I didn’t know anything about what the signs meant. I picked up little things here and there — mostly that Pisces are generally very caretaker-y — and my friend gave me a chart of the planetary alignments from when I was born. I’ve always known that I’m a Pisces, although I didn’t know what it meant, but now I know that I have a Pisces moon and a Taurus rising.

When I was at the library this week, I picked up a book on astrology (Joanna Martine Woolfolk’s The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need), although I was a little wary because I don’t know how well it’ll mesh with what my friends think about astrology, and I’m more inclined to go with what they say than any random book. I ended up exploring the book today with my mom and a friend, and it was kind of ridiculous to see how accurate it was.  Continue reading

Name Change Updates!

I’m aware that I’ve already posted about the two biggest parts of the name change process (filing the paperwork and the court date). It seems, however, that the name change process just keep continuing on and on and on. Who knew that there were so very many things to change?

Today, I changed my name on my bank accounts! I had originally thought that I needed to have my state ID in order to change my name on my bank accounts, and since Minnesota actually mails the updated licenses back to people (making it take eleven days and counting*, instead of the two minutes it takes in Chicago), I’d been putting off changing my name at the bank. I discovered today, however, that all it takes is the judgement order (that beautiful form, an official copy of which I carry everywhere with me). So, the names on my accounts are now all my fabulous new legal name, and I’m just waiting to receive my revised debit and credit cards. And, I will shortly have brand new checks — and I know exactly to whom I’m writing my very first check as Ryan (hint: I’ve been trying to get people to donate to them for ages). Continue reading

Wordle and Beyond Bryn Mawr

I find Wordle fascinating. Wordle is, for those who don’t know, a website that allows one to make word clouds of websites or chunks of text, based on the most commonly used words. In lieu of my usual style of blog post, I decided to post a Wordle word cloud created from about a dozen of my favorite blog posts.  Continue reading

How I Make Decisions: Emotions vs. Logic

A few months ago, I realized that I tend to make decisions instinctively and almost immediately. I know that this likely sounds utterly ridiculous to most people who know me because I’m typically incredibly indecisive. However, I’ve realized that, in terms of big decisions, I tend to go with gut instincts. From there, it seems as though I’m indecisive because I constantly second-guess myself, and I do endless research in hopes of somehow “proving” that I’m making the right decision, and I want to figure out all of the logistics of how to go through with my decision and how to deal with the consequences of it. Continue reading

What If Being Gay Is A Choice?

What if being gay is a choice? Of course, to even consider debating that, we’d need to decide what it meant to “be gay.” Having “homosexual desires,” acting on them, being out, identifying as gay? What about queers? To a certain extent, depending on the definition “being gay” could be a choice (and being queer even more so). If being gay means being out and not acting in a heteronormative way, then yes, being gay is a choice. However, being alive is a choice (continuing to eat, only crossing streets when cars aren’t coming at you, not outright killing oneself — all choices to stay alive). Continue reading

Breaking Down The Facade Of Acceptance: Admitting I Feel Lost

Honestly, I am so tired. I’m just tired of everything. And I’m so damn sick of feeling heartbroken. I didn’t even know it was possible for my heart to hurt and feel numb at the same time. There’s this constant emotional ache, a longing to be back in my life in Chicago — to be part of things once more, to see people, to be hugged — and it isn’t going away. Things don’t seem as bright anymore. Continue reading

Easter With My Family Gives Me Warm Fuzzies

Decked out in my lavender best for Easter

Today, for the first time in five years, I spent Easter with my family. After eating brunch together, my parents, older brother, and I went to a family friend’s place to spend Easter with a number of family friends and my aunt and two younger cousins. Despite feeling slightly apprehensive about how I was going to be gendered — and even though I feel as though I’m still visiting Minnesota and going to return to Chicago any day now — it was lovely.  Continue reading