Tag Archives: identity

“People assume that so much of what you do is who you are”

I realize that when I discuss my former company, I still say “we,” as if I remain a part of it. Life is so much easier when you can wrap yourself within the veil of a big company’s identity. People assume that so much of what you do is who you are, and it’s easy to believe that yourself. There’s a stamp of worth that you get automatically by association.
– Kathleen Finn, The Sharper Your Knife, the Less You Cry

I don’t wrap myself in the “veil of a big company’s identity,” but I understand the sentiment nonetheless. So much of our identities comes from our jobs and the organizations to which we belong. I find myself still saying “we” and “us” when I speak about Bryn Mawr, or Genderqueer Chicago, or especially TJLP. It may be telling that I do not particularly identify with the job I currently have or the company for which I currently work, but despite the 400 miles and the over six months since I’ve been in the office, I still am deeply tied to TJLP. Continue reading

National Coming Out Day Once Again

Well, it’s National Coming Out Day again (or so Facebook tells me), and a lot has happened in the past year. Most particularly, I’m now out as trans — I wasn’t quite ready to do that yet last year. In terms of coming out/transitioning, it’s been a big year. One of the best things is that I now actually have language for myself and words that feel comfortable to me.  Continue reading

Starting T: What I’m Looking Forward To

A few months ago, I was talking to a friend about my plans for starting T. He asked me what I was most looking forward to — after a bit, I said not sounding like a twelve-year-old and not being read as a girl. While that’s true, it’s not the first thing that came to mind. Continue reading

I Feel Like I’m Losing Myself

EXPLORING TRANS — SATURDAY, JULY 10, 2010, 8:11 PM

I feel like I’m being pulled in so many different directions. I don’t know how — I’ve never know how — to deal with multiple identities in a way that didn’t cause one of them to be neglected and ignored. I’m a Korean adoptee, but I’m also queer and trans, and I haven’t yet been able to figure out a way to unite those identities, instead of simply pushing one to the foreground and the other to the back. Continue reading

Please Don’t Call My Drink “Girly”

EXPLORING TRANS — TUESDAY, MAY 11, 2010, 1:33 AM

Today was the boat cruise. Every year, after all papers and exams are done, the seniors at my college have a tradition on going on a dinner cruise on the river with some of the favorite faculty and staff. This was it, and overall, it was awesome.

Parts of it were less awesome. My friend looked at our drinks (she had a Sex On The Beach; another friend and I both had Cosmopolitans) and said, “We’re so girly!” Awesome. Great. Thanks. So not what I want to hear. The next drink I ordered was a vodka tonic. Continue reading

Something I’ve Never Told Anyone

Write about one thing you’ve never told anyone and explain why

This sounds odd, but I’m not actually certain what I’ve told people. There are, of course, a number of things I’ve kept under wraps, so to speak, but I’ve not really kept track of my secrets. I email certain people and just sort of unload everything in my mind at the time . . . pretty much without a filter. And then I don’t necessarily remember every single word of the tens or hundreds of thousands. But I’ve shared most of my secrets, whether they be related to gender, queerness, my worries, insecurities, fears of being forgotten. It’s difficult to think of something I’m certain I’ve never told anyone. And then if I can, it’s not necessarily something about which I want to blog — really, if I haven’t told the people I trust most, why would I tell the internet? Still, there’s one thing I’m willing to share that I’m pretty sure I’ve not yet told to anyone.  Continue reading

Don’t Call Me Woman: The Ups and Downs of Privilege

EXPLORING TRANS — TUESDAY, MARCH 2, 2010, 11:31 PM

Although I self-identify as trans, people very rarely read me as anything other than a woman. I suppose I can’t really blame them: I’m barely over five feet tall; I have child-sized hands; my shoe size is that of the average 8-12-year-old (according to Converse.com); and I’ve never had what anyone would call a boyish figure. I look distinctly female, no matter how much I’d like to pretend otherwise. Continue reading