Tomorrow, my best friend from high school and her fiancé are putting on a benefit concert. It’s going to be on our beloved high school stage, and — since she’s calling on alums and current students as chorus for one of the songs — I’m going to be up on stage once again. It makes me smile that it will be that stage, since it will be the last time I sing in public (chorus, karaoke, or otherwise) before I go on T.
Oh, I know that starting T isn’t going to change my voice immediately, but it will be permanent. The hugely sentimental part of me (which is, admittedly, most of me) thinks it is fitting that the end of this part of my vocal journey, as it were, is going to be on the stage that I used to call home. It’s not really that big a deal — it’s my friend’s concert, after all — but it feels significant to me.
The song is “Opening: The New World,” from Songs for a New World, which seems more and more perfect, the more I think about it. The whole song is about life changing — “And you’re suddenly a stranger / In some completely different land” — and not knowing where your life is heading.
And you didn’t know
That you sometimes have to go
‘Round an unexpected bend
And the road will end
In a new world
And yet, there’s this sense that there’s something new, and brighter, and better awaiting you. That’s where I feel myself right now. I feel as though I’m at the very edge of a whole new world — terrifying, yes, but also holding the potential for so much more than I’d ever dreamed.
Ultimately, going on T will be worth the risk. It has to be. I think that even if I knew T would ruin my singing voice (one of my biggest fears), I’d still have to start because — for so many other reasons — I need it. I didn’t decide to go on T in order to acquire a lower voice, although that’s an exciting side benefit. And now it’s been months since I finally decided, and still no T (thank you so much, health insurance company, for failing), and I’m about at the end of my metaphorical rope.
Next week is the week. Health insurance coverage or no, it’s going to happen. Thank Athena for the wonderful people at the Chicago Women’s Health Center — I may not be getting insurance to pay for it, but I have my script, and I’m getting sent my T, and right now, that’s good enough for me.
A new world whispers in the shadows
Time to fly, time to fly.