Tag Archives: frustration

Top Surgery Update (One Week Later)

I had top surgery last Friday, and so far, recovery has gone pretty well. I had a hematoma issue earlier this week, and so I went in for more surgery on Wednesday morning, but that went okay. There hasn’t been too much in the way of pain; the biggest issue has been the post-surgery compression vest, which is awful. Continue reading

Continuing Thoughts About the Job (Three Months In)

People often ask me whether I like my job, or how it’s going. If I’m being polite, I say that my co-workers are nice, and it’s going well. It’s helping me to save money to pay for top surgery (on Friday!) and move back to Chicago. It’s steady, and I’m grateful to have a job in this economy. If I’m being more honest, it sounds something like this: it’s distressing, and it’s frustrating. Dealing with angry people makes me wither a little inside. I hate being called “ma’am.” I feel like I’m not contributing to the world. I almost feel like I’m someone else.  Continue reading

The Problem with #FirstWorldProblems

I’ve occasionally found First World Problems funny, but it always felt a little odd to me. When I came across Alexis Madrigal’s post “What’s Wrong With #FirstWorldProblems,” which links to Teju Cole’s analysis of the hashtag #firstworldproblems, it nicely articulated half of why I find the First World Problems website and hashtag #firstworldproblems problematic. Continue reading

I Hate Clothes Shopping

Originally posted at EXPLORING TRANS – TUESDAY, MAY 4, 2010, 5:47 PM

I hate clothes shopping. Actually, that’s not really true. I enjoy finding new clothes. The problems come from not being able to find clothes that fit and being steered toward clothes that don’t fit with my sense of gender. In particular, I hate shopping for clothes at huge bargain stores. I guess it’s partly my fault because I should know better than to shop at such places–there’s never anything that fits. Still, I happened to be in the city today, and so I stopped by a store. Fail. Continue reading

Update About the Doctor’s Appointment (and Frustration With Trans Healthcare)

I posted yesterday about my frustration with the medical system relating to trans healthcare (sort of — it was a series of haiku). I went to my appointment with the doctor today and discovered that it’s not quite as bad as the people on the phone made it out to be. Apparently, I don’t actually need a letter from a therapist stating that I’m mentally competent to transition in order to have a doctor review my hormone levels and monitor my dosage (which is good because that’s just ridiculous). Continue reading

Haiku Regarding Medical Appointments For Monitoring T

Med’cal gatekeepers
I don’t need regulation
So much frustration

Why require letter?
Been on T for near three months
I am “competent” Continue reading

I Hate Waiting

I am so impatient. Seriously, I am not good at waiting. At times, it might be more the uncertainty than the actual wait, but right now, I am rapidly depleting any sources of patience I may have. Above all, I am currently on edge waiting to find out whether I got the job for which I interviewed last week. It will decide so much of my life — when I’m having top surgery, when I’m going to be able to move back to Chicago (and how responsibly I’ll be able to do so), what’s going to happen with the temp job, how I’m going to save all of the money I need to be saving for a variety of things, even whether I’m going to be able to go to the Dar Williams concert in Ann Arbor this upcoming November.  Continue reading

Nail Polish isn’t just for women, but Alphanail is NOT what I had in mind

I think nail polish is fabulous. Seriously, I love it. Black, bright colors, jewel tones — I think it’s great. I’ve posted before arguing that nail polish should be socially acceptable for everyone, not just for (feminine cis) women. However, when I say that nail polish is for everyone, I don’t mean Alphanail. Alphanail rather horrifies me, actually. Bitch Media posted a good response to it here. Continue reading

Please Don’t Call My Drink “Girly”

EXPLORING TRANS – TUESDAY, MAY 11, 2010, 1:33 AM

Today was the boat cruise. Every year, after all papers and exams are done, the seniors at my college have a tradition on going on a dinner cruise on the river with some of the favorite faculty and staff. This was it, and overall, it was awesome.

Parts of it were less awesome. My friend looked at our drinks (she had a Sex On The Beach; another friend and I both had Cosmopolitans) and said, “We’re so girly!” Awesome. Great. Thanks. So not what I want to hear. The next drink I ordered was a vodka tonic. Continue reading

Recording Studios + Solos = Gender Issues

EXPLORING TRANS — TUESDAY, MAY 4, 2010, 7:00 PM

I sing with an a cappella group, which I love. It’s one of my favorite parts of my life at college. Today, we went to the recording studio to begin recording my senior solo. Recording is usually a lot of fun, but today it was really stressful.

To start with, I’m not a really confident singer, and my sense of rhythm is surprising lacking for a singer. So, I’m recording the scratch track (the track the others listen to as they record, so that we can all be together), and it fails. I’m continually off the proper rhythm. It doesn’t help that they keep using feminine pronouns for me, which only magnifies the discomfort I’m feeling regarding my voice and gets me feeling even more frustrated.  Continue reading